WOMAN

In August South Africans celebrate Women’s month in honour of women from all backgrounds in South Africa who marched to the then Apartheid union Building in protest to women  not being allowed to own property. So on the 9^th of August every month we celebrate women’s day. That always helps me reflect on great women and what they have done for us and on WOMEN as a whole. Who are Women have always been strange creatures to me; I could never quite comprehend the complexity that is WOMAN. They did not make sense to me, I avoided them at all cost. I believe the women in my life had something to do with that. I found them unkind to say the least so I spent my childhood with men. From as young as I can remember, I was close to my dad and uncles and avoided my mom and aunts as much as I could. I found them unforgiving and judgemental. My dad and uncles were always there for me, always kind and giving, all things the women in my life weren’t.  Their mouths were like poison because whenever they said something, something inside me would die. So I found refuge in the men in my life.  I followed then around everywhere. Even in my adulthood, when I walk into a new place, I look for the “man of peace”. I will spot a man who resembles my dad or uncles and I would go there first, they never disappoint. I always feel safe and free around men and become guarded and insecure What is it about us women that make us so cruel to each other? Why do we see each other as enemies and rivals instead of sisters and comrades? Why can’t we protect each other like men do? Why do we always break each other instead of building each other? My husband and I always joke that men war physically but we war psychologically. A man aims to break another man’s body but we break souls. I speak of myself too. I’ve seen when I’m upset, I am like a vicious lion, I tear at everything in my way mercilessly and destroy everything moving. In proverbs14:1 the bible says “a woman can build her home or tear it up by her own hand” (rephrased). We have the power to build but it seems we choose the latter.  And we wonder why we’d rather be faithful to a cheating man than to each other. A woman would rather go after an unknowing mistress than turn on her unfaithful man. We always see each other as the problem, and we treat each other so badly.

The enemy is also using that to dismantle society because he knows the woman has the power to build or tear down. What kind of woman are you, and what kind am I? This month I’ve been on a prayer campaign for my mouth, that God uses it to build not tear up, to launch a full on psychological healing instead of warfare. That He uses our mouths to bring comfort and love to the world under our care. The Bible says the tongue has the power to build or destroy. God has created us to nurture. The enemy is trying to corrupt that, defile and pervert everything that is woman. Let us not let him deceive us like he deceived Eve; let us not allow him to break the force that is Women.  The curse has been broken over us; the blood of Jesus speaks a better word than we think of us. I am starting with the girl in the mirror. I’m determined to never let the enemy use my mouth to hurt anymore. I choose to use mine to build.  I also choose to renew my mind about women. I choose to let them in, regardless of the pain that might come with it.

As a way to build, we can do so much for each other. There are so many young women who need mentors, so many little girls who need mothers and sisters who will think of them the way God does. If girls would give each other compliments, they would not need to go to lying men. You can do something, you can make a difference. Ps Lisa Bevere opened my mind when she said she wanted to give to the next generation of women what women before us didn’t give us. You can be a Naomi to a little Ruth. All we need to do is use the weapons God gave us - our mouths, our warm embraces, our experiences and our love can build a new generation of women who trust and genuinely love each other. I want to be that woman; I want to build a generation of Proverbs 31 women who do not need to sell themselves short, because they have their sisters’ backing and cheering. I want to be that Woman. I know I can, can you?

LIKE MOTHER LIKE DAUGHTER

A last month ago we were celebrating my mom’s birthday and it hit me as I looked into the mirror, I saw my mother. It didn't feel good because as a teen I worked really hard to be nothing like her, but my voice, lips and eyes were an exact replica of her. That made me realize I am who I am because of the women that came before me, I call them my fore-mothers. I've only met three, my mom and two grandmothers.

My grandmother was an icon in the community, everyone went to her about everything, and she was one of the first black women in our country to be a high school principal. She was educated, intelligent and valued education above all else; she even taught me how to read and write. She worked really hard against the odds to get an education; her older sister had to sacrifice herself for her to go to school, so she didn't take that opportunity for granted. She once was the national president of the NCAW (National Conference of African Women). She was active in the apartheid struggle and assisted young men to cross the border into Lesotho. Looking from the outside in, she was a woman any girl would aspire to be. When I was five years old I was taken to live with her and my aunt because she had connections in the education department and I could be enrolled in school earlier. At the time I was a scared little, skinny girl who felt abandoned by my mom. I didn't understand why my mom would let her take me because although I was named after her, we didn't really get along, I found her cold and unloving; it was not just my imagination she was really cruel to us growing up. Most of my life, I wanted nothing to do with her, I only went to see her for my dad’s sake. But I forgave her ten years ago when I received Jesus in my life. Two weeks ago she had two strokes; I went to see her in hospital. She looked so helpless and I was overwhelmed with love for her. I do love my grandmother.

Twice a week I was allowed to visit my other grandmother because they lived in the same town. She was a sweet woman; I never heard a harsh word come out of her mouth. She was different; she was modest but worked hard to make sure that whenever I came to visit I was most comfortable. She didn’t have much of an education and she had worked as a domestic-worker to provide for her children. From what I hear, she went through a lot when my granddad left her alone in a strange rural town (as an urban girl) with seven children. My mom always tells me of how she would collect material from her employers to make them clothes, or how she had to learn to harvest grain so that they could have something to eat. Her house was not much to behold, no plumbing, we had to go outside to use the loo. My favourite memories are when we used to carry buckets to fetch water from a nearby dam, I was small so she’d let me carry a jug so I could feel like I also did something. Every Sunday, when I had to leave her to go to my other grandma, felt like hell. I loved my granny, I still adore her.

I guess the saying that a man will marry a woman who is like his mom, is kind of true. My mother is a very ambitious woman, just like her ex mother in law. She came from a poor background with a domestic worker mom and an absent father, but she chose to work hard to get what she has now. This woman has made waves in her industry, is head hunted by departments in government, she owns a guest house, has been involved in property, and has now started an online gifting and networking company. Nothing can stop this woman. My mother never gives up, what I’d give to have an ounce of her dedication and tenacity. Though I admire her achievements, and though I do know she did all that for us, it came at a price. Because the work can be so frustrating, she was hardly in a good mood, we never bonded in my teens because she was too busy making a living for us. She was not perfect but she did the best she could for us. I understood that. She was like my paternal grandmother in her ambition and like her mother in the lengths she would go for her children.

All three women are unique in their own way, some people would think my paternal grandmother was evil in the way she was to me, and I also thought that throughout my childhood. But because of her, I learned how to write and inherited the gift of teaching, which are now my passions. If she didn't make that five year old stay indoors after school, while other kids played outside, I doubt I would have realized I love writing. From my maternal grandma I learnt love and compassion and the ability to keep a good attitude no matter the circumstances. People say I mother people, I got that from her. She always makes sure everyone is okay and I love and wish I could be half the woman she is. My mom is ambitious and passionate about what she does, I am not that cut throat, but I am passionate about what I do. I hear every time when people meet my mother that I am so much like her, I used to dislike that but lately I've learned to embrace that whether good or bad. I realized that I might not like some things about all of my fore-mothers but I am my fore-mothers’ daughter.

GLORIOUS RECOGNITION

 Maslow says that one of our basic human needs is recognition or acknowledgement. We, as human beings, need to be told that we are doing well at something. Nothing wrong with wanting feedback for your hard work, I say.
We sometimes work hard in front of the right people so that we can be noticed; even if we don’t get that promotion we wanted, at least the boss calls us shining stars with management potential, that’s enough to brighten up our day. Let’s be honest, as hard as we try to be humble, the pie is not the easiest one to swallow. As Christians we are taught to not let your right hand know what your left hand did in charity... hard I say.

In my second year as a Christian I joined the Creative Arts Group at church. One day when I was praying about it God said he’ll use that to teach me humility. I laughed because I thought, “how is being on stage performing for a couple of thousands of people going to make me humble?”. We were taught how not to take credit when people complemented us on a performance and I remember people would say I did awesome and I would be dying to say “thanks, it was a piece-of-cake” but instead we had to say, “I thank God that lives were touched and changed by the performance”. I also remember thinking I can do this much better than that person and then that person would be given lead. Because I would always be reminded of why we are doing it in the first place, that year I learned what humility really is and I also learned that I have to die daily to myself in order to walk in true humility. I will not lie to you and say I am now humble; this has been one of the greatest battles in my walk with Christ. To my credit though, I now know when I am walking in the opposite direction.

 Not so long ago I was faced with this battle. I have been working hard on a program that I believed, still believe, could change lives and I was looking for a great opportunity to implement it. It was, still is, the best idea I’ve ever come up with. It was so big that I knew it was from God. I had an implementation plan, everything was in motion, proposed it to a lot of my leaders and it was well on the way. We implemented the first phase and it happened... someone else took the leading role. At first, to be honest, I was not bothered by her because I knew it was for the greater good of the project. But she started taking other parts of “my project” and implementing them the wrong way. She started getting the lime light, getting the complements, the recognition that I believed was mine, let alone the fact that she doesn’t even have the whole vision, the passion or the gifting that I have. I didn’t want to look jealous so I left her to it, but the more I tried to not look jealous the worse it became. The more bitter I became, the more she shined, the more complements she received and the more successful she became. I became twisted and sinister without even realising it. This great vision I had, the great plan I had to change the world was taken from me and all I had left was a bitter taste in my mouth, literally, because I started bad mouthing her every chance I got, she became my frienemy (sic) . Don’t get me wrong, she was no angel either, she knew which camera to smile for, which people to talk to and she worked it. I started hating her without realising it. I started hating the sound of her voice. I was torn up inside and out of my mouth came the issues of my heart. I said the meanest things about her and I became the nasty one. Praise God that before it got worse I remembered who the project was all about and who the glory belonged to. I am grateful that I still have my friend because she is great friend, I pray she will also get her revelation someday but till then I have to keep myself in check. I am glad God helped me get over it and gave me an even better idea on an even greater scale, which will have an even bigger impact on people and I would not even have to worry about who will have the recognition because He will.

 How many of us have done even worse things because we felt robbed or because we were just plain jealous of someone because we wanted the glory for ourselves? My point in all this is that, if we do something with our hearts not in the right place and we are doing it for fame, recognition or acknowledgement, there is no way God is glorified because recognition is a craving, that when it becomes an addiction, we can easily lose ourselves to . I’m glad God saved me from it before it was too late... and this new vision, I don’t know how far it will take me, but if God puts someone else on the glory seat for it, I will know better because I learned from the last one...Whose Glory is it anyway?