Discern the Body

 Over a month ago I found out that I am pregnant with my first child; so recently I went to see my gynaecologist to check up on the baby to see how he/she is doing. While he was looking at the baby, he noticed a little growth that was very small last year and has now grown a little bit. He reassured me that it’s nowhere near the baby and that the baby will be fine. That little experience led me to think about the Body of Christ, as - according 1 Corinthians 12 - we are all parts of the Body which is the Church. I got to thinking that, just like my body, the Body of Christ also gets invaded by viruses, strange and unwanted pimples and growths, some cancerous others not.

 I believe some of us have come across these bodily imperfections, the church gossip who sows discord amongst people, the lady who’s always trying to seduce people’s husbands, that grumpy old man who has a problem with absolutely everything, bad mouthing the pastor and threatening to leave and that young guy who’s trying to manipulate naive girls and lead them to sexual sin. Every active church has at least one of these, whatever form they come in. Naturally, we’d like to rid the House of God of these people once and for all, but God has a different plan as Jesus says in the parable in Matthew 13:24-30 and explains in verses 36-43, God has no intentions of “getting rid” of the weeds in our garden, He plans to let them grow with us until harvest time, long story short - the impurities will always be with us, the bad growths, the pimples, all of them. They will grow in the Body, some even attach to our blood system, feed off the Body and become a part of our Body. Deal with it! 

A lot of young women get caught  in that trap. A lot of us have fallen for that young guy who was attached to the body, fed off the Church’s blood system grew in the Church with the rest of us, but was actually a growth or a pimple in the Body of Christ. His intention was never to make the body function better but to break down some organs. He comes to a girl, uses spiritual jargon even prays in tongues. You are convinced he’s the one and fall for him. He begins subtly moving you away from the word and leadership then one day  you look up and find yourself so far from your life source. Some play the part until one day you realize he’s been habitually unfaithful or abusive, then you run to the world and say, “church guys are just as bad as worldly guys”. Scorned, young ladies have said that to me so many times after a failed relationship with a “church guy” that I thought I would take the time to address this little issue.

Firstly, as the growth example I made - not every guy in the church is a part of the body, some grow up in the body but their hearts are not for the advancement of the church, they have been sent by the enemy to kill, steal and destroy, some do not even know the damage they are causing to the church with their actions. So girls, it is up to you to discern the Body. You need to spend so much time with God that He will show you when a guy is not part of the Body but only a pimple (temporary, only came to pick up church chicks), a growth (attached to the body to hurt the church, the one who has a form of godliness, but not much) or if he is a member of the body - sold out to the work of Christ for real not just as an act to impress people.  Jesus says that if you abide in Him He will abide in you. In Psalm 37:4 He says that if you delight in Him He will give you the desires of your heart. So if you abide in Him and Him in you, you will know His heart for you, and He will give you what you desire; He won’t give you an ugly, nasty guy. He created you, He knows what you need. That is my answer to all those girls. Ask Him, He’ll show you the right guy and shield you from the wrong ones.

This is not to put fear in you but to encourage you to seek God when it comes to relationships because the enemy does not want you to be happily married. The cherry on top is - when you’re sure the relationship you’re in is of God, you won’t be moved by storms because you will know they are temporary. Even in marriage, when things get “tough”, you’ll hold on to God’s promise. You’ll rest in the knowledge that the marriage belongs to God and He will grow it to His perfect plan, which is better than you can ever imagine. My point is, no guy in the world is meant for a Child of God; “do not be unequally yoked” and not all guys in church are for you either. Take your single years to abide in the one who made your husband and He’ll show him to you.

CATCH ME

February is called a Month of Love, romantic love. So for this month I decided to take time to find out what men wanted in a woman, to make sure I got THE I interviewed two of my close guy friend on what makes them interested in women and what makes them want to run. As though they rehearsed it, they both said they hated it is a girl came on too strong. One said it scared him, it makes him wonder what she’s hiding and that he likes it if a girl makes him work to get her. The other admitted that even if the girl likes him, it’s nice to think that he liked her first and that it was his idea or pursuit that got them together. Long story short, guys like girls who aren't that into them, at least pretend you’re not. Basically desperate is not sexy.  

 On Valentine’s Day we had a talk with some young people on relationships. While we were talking one guy asked, why are girls so desperate? For a minute I was offended. But eventually I admitted to myself that somehow it was true.  He further said, even the smartest girls act stupid when they fall for a guy, and they seem to fall for the worst of guys or worse, guys who are not interested. Those really got me thinking about the truth of it, and wondered why it is so. Firstly I did not get the answer to that question and I am open to hear what you ladies think. If guys want us to play hard-to-get, and we know it well, why do we always find ourselves chasing. Why are we so afraid to just sit back and let him chase us or better yet find us? It seems we forget that we are the good thing. Why do we keep treating men like they are the price when we are, when the Bible in Proverbs 18:22 clearly says they obtain favour from God because they have us?

My heart really cries out for millions of girls around the world who have not found this truth or have found it but are unable to live it because they have been taught wrong for all their lives that they can’t imagine themselves as worth anything. If God treasures us so much… why don’t we? I want to help,  so one way i thought i could is wirk on the bird-eye-view approach. I hope that if a smart girl takes a bird eye view of her mistakes, she will get perspective and make better decisions. I thought I’d take a chance at humour and wrote this prose, as extreme and exaggerated  as it is, I hope some ladies would see themselves in it and in doing that, they would be able to make more rational decision when it comes to love, for the rest, I hope it makes you laugh or at least smile.

Obsessed

Chasing after him hoping he’d CATCH ME

Throwing myself at him, why won’t he CATCH ME?

Telling my girls I’m too much of a lady to chase

But my huffing is telling, exposing that is not the case.

Holding on to flowers I wish he bought, he loves me, he loves me NOT.

He must CATCH ME, maybe it’s my skin tone, pass the makeup, and let me adjust my face.

Because I know that my figure in right, my weave is tight and I got legs for days…

Heard he likes the colour blue, I wore that from top to shoe, took up sports just for you.

Running, tripping, scraping my knee, I’m hurting, but I can’t give up the chase

If he catches another I protest because I believe he’s mine all I need is one gaze.

Still obsessed

Passive aggressive if I push any harder I could lose my swagger

Stay calm girl, you’ll see, he will eventually acknowledge that you’re the treasure

Call HER names, hate HER guts, SHE stole what I was mine, what does he see in HER.

Imagine the pain I felt when I saw that invite in my face, left me with a bitter taste

 Said you were “in-love” and SHE you will wed?  

I made up mind to be at the ceremony, my objective:  to object.

Ten ways to break that ‘ish up is my project

Mission: Divide and concur his heart.

That can’t Be hard. besides Its HER fault He can not CATCH ME.

Don’t call me obsessed

Rounded up my crew, where my girls at.

My reasonable friends say I should forget him I’m insane?

Insane? No, Insane is he does not feel the same

After some real talk with my girls and I’m glad they came.

Questioning the origin of this mess, laying on my bed crying, realizing

 how my life I was wasting and that to myself I was lying

The obsession with this man was so unlike me, He never loved me

And Though I gave a good case, I guess he didn't CATCH ME. 

SOMETHING BLUE

Have you ever wanted something really bad? Convinced that that is it and you will never want anything else that, you'd put it on everything.Whether it is a spouse, a career or something as simple as a dress.

We sometimes make commitments we are sure are from God, but then something comes along to derail us form God's destiny in our lives. it is like buying one brand of chocolate then after you've paid feel maybe you should have gotten something else... 

 

Well, that is because gold worth keeping will have to go through fire to confirm its authenticity , any decision we make will be tested. We've all been there in one way or another. Here's a poem I wrote about that a couple of months ago after I made one of the biggest decisions in my life.  It is about commitment and having to stick to it, regardless of other offers or sidetracks which come along in life "Something blue" 

SOMETHING BLUE

Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue

I know made my choice, the day I said that I do.

Something strange, something fresh, like tomorrow something new

this mind is cluttered with thoughts you?

Something else was in mind, I did not even order that shade

You saw the stale of my old, How else would you dare offer to trade?

What you present is enticing, how did you guess what i craved was that?

What is it that you possess, thieve of attention, so that pride I forget?

Maybe we can play make-believe and pretend for only a time or two

That for that moment you were mine and I belonged to you.

Or maybe steal a day off-time to test the realness

Of the chemistry that evolved from absolute nothingness.

Is there a need to be in reality?

Should I entirely let go of  fantasy

Because it would never happen for the life of me

That I could be she and you  him be.

So for me there’ll be nothing new, only blue

Because I made my choice when I said I do.

GIFTED

A couple of weeks ago I met an interesting old man, interesting is an understatement. First he was the most intelligent and engaging person I’ve ever had the honour to converse with. He seemed to understand absolutely everything about anything, for the first time, I kept quiet and just listened. The man was not only intelligent but wisdom came from every word he spoke and I thought this man was too good to be true. I was already intrigued so he sealed the deal  by cassually mentioning that he had not one, not two but three PHD’s, dude! I’m still dreaming of just one… he then started telling us what he does and how he got to get the three different qualifications, it all had to do with passion, and following his dreams and not allowing circumstances to bring him down, instead they elevated him to the person he now is.

See, when we grow up we are indirectly conditioned to find the ONE thing that we are good at and enjoy , we are groomed to cultivate it and that will be our “calling”. That is all good and proper for those who find that one thing, but what about us, what about people like me who at thirty something are still not sure what that one thing is, because frankly we are good at a lot of things and enjoy every single one of them. I have a lot of passions and if I have to narrow it to five I’d say, literature, education, psychology, theatrical arts (music, dance, drama),and planning / project management . I had to dig deep and tried really hard to put those down because other things were popping up, things like deco, fashion, the list can go on for days, the point is if you were to put me into any of those fields id make a killing. That is what began my 10 year adventure of finding out, what exactly was my “calling”.   

I’m not the only one, I have a couple of friends who are going through the same battle, some of them where wiser than I because they at least picked one to qualify in, I on the other hand after been once bitten by the evil “B.Com”  was too scared to study the “wrong” thing so I waited. I have one friend who qualified as a CA but she loves writing so much she wanted to quit her job, she does love accounting but …writing… I have one who is qualified as a fashion designer and has an Honours degree in marketing… but music keeps knocking, One of has a battle between writing and music, some are fortunate to have picked one and have the other as a hobby. There are a lot more and all of them are brilliant.

Matthew 25:15-30 says it best, God gave each of us talents, some five, some two and some only got one, so why are the rest of us trying to fit with the one who got one. Can’t we use all the talents given to us? Why are we so conditioned to only use one, I am tired of trying to figure out what is that one, I’ve decided that like the Old doctor I met, I will use all five talents and proudly stand before God and hear Him say, well done Good and Faithful servant. I know it won’t be as easy as people with one or two, but I will work hard to use all five gifts to the best of my ability and I won’t allow anyone to make me shrink when the ask me the dreaded question “so, what do you do?” I will boldly say: Well, where do I start … I’m a writing psychologist who does performing art, teaches and if you need me to put something together for you…ill do that too. Having one thing you specialize in is all good and dandy but I would like to be allowed to be who I am and use all my gifts.

I FIND MYSELF

By Karabo Magabe

I find myself starting to write
But as the words begin to flow
I find myself going back to the beginning
Have I lost the innocence

I find myself reading every line
Is writing becoming commercial
I find myself criticizing my own work
Am I too worried with what people think

I find myself unable to proceed
To even put ink to paper
I find myself thinking beyond the here and now
Where words turn into images

I find myself worried about acceptance
Like writers are never criticised
I find myself being myself again
To comfortable to challenge myself

I find myself and don't like what I see in the mirror
A shadow of who I can be
I find myself at a point where a decision needs to be made
Stuck between possibility and the road everyone has travelled

I find myself starting to write
And the words begin

WOMAN

In August South Africans celebrate Women’s month in honour of women from all backgrounds in South Africa who marched to the then Apartheid union Building in protest to women  not being allowed to own property. So on the 9^th of August every month we celebrate women’s day. That always helps me reflect on great women and what they have done for us and on WOMEN as a whole. Who are Women have always been strange creatures to me; I could never quite comprehend the complexity that is WOMAN. They did not make sense to me, I avoided them at all cost. I believe the women in my life had something to do with that. I found them unkind to say the least so I spent my childhood with men. From as young as I can remember, I was close to my dad and uncles and avoided my mom and aunts as much as I could. I found them unforgiving and judgemental. My dad and uncles were always there for me, always kind and giving, all things the women in my life weren’t.  Their mouths were like poison because whenever they said something, something inside me would die. So I found refuge in the men in my life.  I followed then around everywhere. Even in my adulthood, when I walk into a new place, I look for the “man of peace”. I will spot a man who resembles my dad or uncles and I would go there first, they never disappoint. I always feel safe and free around men and become guarded and insecure What is it about us women that make us so cruel to each other? Why do we see each other as enemies and rivals instead of sisters and comrades? Why can’t we protect each other like men do? Why do we always break each other instead of building each other? My husband and I always joke that men war physically but we war psychologically. A man aims to break another man’s body but we break souls. I speak of myself too. I’ve seen when I’m upset, I am like a vicious lion, I tear at everything in my way mercilessly and destroy everything moving. In proverbs14:1 the bible says “a woman can build her home or tear it up by her own hand” (rephrased). We have the power to build but it seems we choose the latter.  And we wonder why we’d rather be faithful to a cheating man than to each other. A woman would rather go after an unknowing mistress than turn on her unfaithful man. We always see each other as the problem, and we treat each other so badly.

The enemy is also using that to dismantle society because he knows the woman has the power to build or tear down. What kind of woman are you, and what kind am I? This month I’ve been on a prayer campaign for my mouth, that God uses it to build not tear up, to launch a full on psychological healing instead of warfare. That He uses our mouths to bring comfort and love to the world under our care. The Bible says the tongue has the power to build or destroy. God has created us to nurture. The enemy is trying to corrupt that, defile and pervert everything that is woman. Let us not let him deceive us like he deceived Eve; let us not allow him to break the force that is Women.  The curse has been broken over us; the blood of Jesus speaks a better word than we think of us. I am starting with the girl in the mirror. I’m determined to never let the enemy use my mouth to hurt anymore. I choose to use mine to build.  I also choose to renew my mind about women. I choose to let them in, regardless of the pain that might come with it.

As a way to build, we can do so much for each other. There are so many young women who need mentors, so many little girls who need mothers and sisters who will think of them the way God does. If girls would give each other compliments, they would not need to go to lying men. You can do something, you can make a difference. Ps Lisa Bevere opened my mind when she said she wanted to give to the next generation of women what women before us didn’t give us. You can be a Naomi to a little Ruth. All we need to do is use the weapons God gave us - our mouths, our warm embraces, our experiences and our love can build a new generation of women who trust and genuinely love each other. I want to be that woman; I want to build a generation of Proverbs 31 women who do not need to sell themselves short, because they have their sisters’ backing and cheering. I want to be that Woman. I know I can, can you?

LIKE MOTHER LIKE DAUGHTER

A last month ago we were celebrating my mom’s birthday and it hit me as I looked into the mirror, I saw my mother. It didn't feel good because as a teen I worked really hard to be nothing like her, but my voice, lips and eyes were an exact replica of her. That made me realize I am who I am because of the women that came before me, I call them my fore-mothers. I've only met three, my mom and two grandmothers.

My grandmother was an icon in the community, everyone went to her about everything, and she was one of the first black women in our country to be a high school principal. She was educated, intelligent and valued education above all else; she even taught me how to read and write. She worked really hard against the odds to get an education; her older sister had to sacrifice herself for her to go to school, so she didn't take that opportunity for granted. She once was the national president of the NCAW (National Conference of African Women). She was active in the apartheid struggle and assisted young men to cross the border into Lesotho. Looking from the outside in, she was a woman any girl would aspire to be. When I was five years old I was taken to live with her and my aunt because she had connections in the education department and I could be enrolled in school earlier. At the time I was a scared little, skinny girl who felt abandoned by my mom. I didn't understand why my mom would let her take me because although I was named after her, we didn't really get along, I found her cold and unloving; it was not just my imagination she was really cruel to us growing up. Most of my life, I wanted nothing to do with her, I only went to see her for my dad’s sake. But I forgave her ten years ago when I received Jesus in my life. Two weeks ago she had two strokes; I went to see her in hospital. She looked so helpless and I was overwhelmed with love for her. I do love my grandmother.

Twice a week I was allowed to visit my other grandmother because they lived in the same town. She was a sweet woman; I never heard a harsh word come out of her mouth. She was different; she was modest but worked hard to make sure that whenever I came to visit I was most comfortable. She didn’t have much of an education and she had worked as a domestic-worker to provide for her children. From what I hear, she went through a lot when my granddad left her alone in a strange rural town (as an urban girl) with seven children. My mom always tells me of how she would collect material from her employers to make them clothes, or how she had to learn to harvest grain so that they could have something to eat. Her house was not much to behold, no plumbing, we had to go outside to use the loo. My favourite memories are when we used to carry buckets to fetch water from a nearby dam, I was small so she’d let me carry a jug so I could feel like I also did something. Every Sunday, when I had to leave her to go to my other grandma, felt like hell. I loved my granny, I still adore her.

I guess the saying that a man will marry a woman who is like his mom, is kind of true. My mother is a very ambitious woman, just like her ex mother in law. She came from a poor background with a domestic worker mom and an absent father, but she chose to work hard to get what she has now. This woman has made waves in her industry, is head hunted by departments in government, she owns a guest house, has been involved in property, and has now started an online gifting and networking company. Nothing can stop this woman. My mother never gives up, what I’d give to have an ounce of her dedication and tenacity. Though I admire her achievements, and though I do know she did all that for us, it came at a price. Because the work can be so frustrating, she was hardly in a good mood, we never bonded in my teens because she was too busy making a living for us. She was not perfect but she did the best she could for us. I understood that. She was like my paternal grandmother in her ambition and like her mother in the lengths she would go for her children.

All three women are unique in their own way, some people would think my paternal grandmother was evil in the way she was to me, and I also thought that throughout my childhood. But because of her, I learned how to write and inherited the gift of teaching, which are now my passions. If she didn't make that five year old stay indoors after school, while other kids played outside, I doubt I would have realized I love writing. From my maternal grandma I learnt love and compassion and the ability to keep a good attitude no matter the circumstances. People say I mother people, I got that from her. She always makes sure everyone is okay and I love and wish I could be half the woman she is. My mom is ambitious and passionate about what she does, I am not that cut throat, but I am passionate about what I do. I hear every time when people meet my mother that I am so much like her, I used to dislike that but lately I've learned to embrace that whether good or bad. I realized that I might not like some things about all of my fore-mothers but I am my fore-mothers’ daughter.

GLORIOUS RECOGNITION

 Maslow says that one of our basic human needs is recognition or acknowledgement. We, as human beings, need to be told that we are doing well at something. Nothing wrong with wanting feedback for your hard work, I say.
We sometimes work hard in front of the right people so that we can be noticed; even if we don’t get that promotion we wanted, at least the boss calls us shining stars with management potential, that’s enough to brighten up our day. Let’s be honest, as hard as we try to be humble, the pie is not the easiest one to swallow. As Christians we are taught to not let your right hand know what your left hand did in charity... hard I say.

In my second year as a Christian I joined the Creative Arts Group at church. One day when I was praying about it God said he’ll use that to teach me humility. I laughed because I thought, “how is being on stage performing for a couple of thousands of people going to make me humble?”. We were taught how not to take credit when people complemented us on a performance and I remember people would say I did awesome and I would be dying to say “thanks, it was a piece-of-cake” but instead we had to say, “I thank God that lives were touched and changed by the performance”. I also remember thinking I can do this much better than that person and then that person would be given lead. Because I would always be reminded of why we are doing it in the first place, that year I learned what humility really is and I also learned that I have to die daily to myself in order to walk in true humility. I will not lie to you and say I am now humble; this has been one of the greatest battles in my walk with Christ. To my credit though, I now know when I am walking in the opposite direction.

 Not so long ago I was faced with this battle. I have been working hard on a program that I believed, still believe, could change lives and I was looking for a great opportunity to implement it. It was, still is, the best idea I’ve ever come up with. It was so big that I knew it was from God. I had an implementation plan, everything was in motion, proposed it to a lot of my leaders and it was well on the way. We implemented the first phase and it happened... someone else took the leading role. At first, to be honest, I was not bothered by her because I knew it was for the greater good of the project. But she started taking other parts of “my project” and implementing them the wrong way. She started getting the lime light, getting the complements, the recognition that I believed was mine, let alone the fact that she doesn’t even have the whole vision, the passion or the gifting that I have. I didn’t want to look jealous so I left her to it, but the more I tried to not look jealous the worse it became. The more bitter I became, the more she shined, the more complements she received and the more successful she became. I became twisted and sinister without even realising it. This great vision I had, the great plan I had to change the world was taken from me and all I had left was a bitter taste in my mouth, literally, because I started bad mouthing her every chance I got, she became my frienemy (sic) . Don’t get me wrong, she was no angel either, she knew which camera to smile for, which people to talk to and she worked it. I started hating her without realising it. I started hating the sound of her voice. I was torn up inside and out of my mouth came the issues of my heart. I said the meanest things about her and I became the nasty one. Praise God that before it got worse I remembered who the project was all about and who the glory belonged to. I am grateful that I still have my friend because she is great friend, I pray she will also get her revelation someday but till then I have to keep myself in check. I am glad God helped me get over it and gave me an even better idea on an even greater scale, which will have an even bigger impact on people and I would not even have to worry about who will have the recognition because He will.

 How many of us have done even worse things because we felt robbed or because we were just plain jealous of someone because we wanted the glory for ourselves? My point in all this is that, if we do something with our hearts not in the right place and we are doing it for fame, recognition or acknowledgement, there is no way God is glorified because recognition is a craving, that when it becomes an addiction, we can easily lose ourselves to . I’m glad God saved me from it before it was too late... and this new vision, I don’t know how far it will take me, but if God puts someone else on the glory seat for it, I will know better because I learned from the last one...Whose Glory is it anyway?